Bulletproof Buttocks

How many of you guys wake up in the middle of the night, stumble to the bathroom, and go about your business in complete darkness - only to realize you've "missed" the next morning?

Well, thank goodness for Toilet Landing Lights! This goody will illuminate your way to on-target relief!

And here's something for those of you with the habit of wiping your nose on your sleeves.

Now that you're practicing proper hygiene, women will find you irresistible. Don't leave home without your Kissing Shield, you heart breaker!

These and many more *REAL* USA patented inventions at the Absurd Archive.