Ripping Off The Bandage And Moving On…
As some of you may have noticed, I’ve been MIA for a little while. It was due to an unplanned personal “challenge” and never was it my intention to neglect my clients and readers. I would like to begin by apologizing from the bottom of my heart if I’ve worried, angered, and/or disappointed anyone because to this.
Let me explain what’s been happening… I’ll try to make it short and to the point.
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The Problem
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In the last 6 months, I’ve allowed both positive and negative online communications I’ve received to greatly affect me. I understand this is business, but the services are provided by me, a real person. And I found myself unable to separate the business vs. non-business communication.
I grew incredibly sensitive to abusive customers, and emails threatening me or my family usually brought my entire day to a halt. Reading personal threats and dealing with difficult people drained me to the point where I dreaded going online some days, even just to check for new messages. Because I did not want to bother other online business owners by confiding in them about what to do with these types of people, I started to believe I was the only one attracting bad customers and I even began to doubt myself and what I had to offer my clients.
Trying to deal with this took much time and attention away from clients who have always been cooperative and pleasant to work with. And worst of all, it quickly reached the point where it even disturbed me offline. I became paranoid, always suspicious, and insecure… to say I was unhappy & exhausted is an understatement.
So, in early January, my doctor sent me home with a prescription for Zoloft. I fought long and hard with myself about taking this medication (it’s been prescribed to me once before), and finally decided that in order to feel like “myself” again… to be able to get things done… this is what I needed to do.
During the first week of February, I started taking the lowest dosage to get my system used to the medication. However, it completely knocked me out for almost the entire day. I continued to increase my dosage per doctor’s instructions, but found it almost impossible to keep my eyes open, and was unable to function at all. Sure, I was no longer frightened, but that’s because I was sleeping most of the time.
I requested an alternative solution and got the “okay” in the beginning of March. I’ve been “awake” for about 3 weeks, and have been scrambling to play catch up with all of my responsibilities.
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The Remedy
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In order to move forward with my personal and business life, I had to decide to overcome this detour. Otherwise, I’ll remain stagnant, further damaging my relationships with my family, friends, clients and readers. Because I’m no longer taking the medication, it was suggested that I find a “support group” - people who are in a similar field as I am, and confide in them whenever I’m faced with “difficult” clients.
I’ve been very fortunate to come into contact with a handful of people who I feel I can trust and confide in… and during the past 3 weeks, I’ve already been faced with 2 of the most miserable people I’ve ever encountered online (one who sent me abusive email 3 times a day), and turning to my “support group” for advice has proved to be very helpful.
I would never wish this awful experience on anyone, but it’s quite comforting to know I’m not the only one having to deal with difficult and abusive people… and that other marketers have “survived” it and are able to continue with a happy life and successful business. I don’t feel the uncontrollable “fear” I would normally start feeling, and I am quickly learning to take every possible measure to let this type of people “go” and immediately block them from ever contacting me again.
Don’t dwell. Let it go. Keep moving forward.
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The Resolution
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I fully understand and accept that I cannot make my personal challenges into other people’s problems, and I promise to do my very best to keep my business practices as professional as possible.
Once again, I sincerely apologize for the lack of activity from my end, and for worrying, angering, or disappointing anyone because of my personal issues.
I may not dance in the spotlight like many other Internet “celebrities”, but I am one of the best out there. I’m just more comfortable planting myself behind the scenes, but don’t let that fool you. I give you my word that I will continue to teach you how to get the MOST out of your marketing efforts, and I will always look out for your best interest.
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Hang in there girl, ignore the idiot people online and think of the many great people online. There’s always a bad apple in the bunch.
Carmen, thank you for your inspiring presence online. You’ve provided so much and my only lack right now is in terms of how / when to execute what you and a few others out there have given me in real knowledge.
I’m sorry to hear that people are this messed up, to try to torment you this way.
My personal comment on the whole “professional” versus “personal” thing is that you can’t dehumanize the professional part of your world. We will see a redefinition of the whole understanding of “professionalism” to allow for the whole person to participate rather than only a portion. I like the concept of poise, it means that I’m still “all me” but I’m walking in peace because of what is inside me, and I’m not dragging what is outside of me, in. Does that ring true to you at all?
Be encouraged. and Thank you again.
Christy
Hi Carmen,
As an under-the-radar marketer myself I don’t expect you to have ever heard my name before but this post has really ticked me off - big time!
I’ve been watching your business for quite a long time (years) and it completely escapes me how anyone could have the audacity to approach you like that.
I almost never post to other marketers blogs - heck, I seldom post to my own blogs! But this is one time I’m willing to put my name out there…
You’re one of the most vibrant and endearing marketers I’ve ever had the priviledge of observing online and you shouldn’t have to put up with that kind of garbage.
I’d like to see them join any of my sites and see how far they get trying to ‘abuse’ me. It’s a sad day when people can’t see the gift in their midst because of their own greed and selfishness.
(That’s really the only reasons why people force their judgements on others)
Believe me - you don’t have the time to waste on people like that. You have a family you love that needs a wife and mommy with lots to give at the end of the day - not one in a drugged stupor.
You give plenty, your business is ethical and your efforts are appreciated. Anything you heard to the contrary is jealousy - period!
You rock, Carmen.
Marvin
Hey Carmen,
We go way back!! If we were able to survive those train trips downtown together, we can overcome anything!
Oh wow… I’m at loss for words. Thank you SO MUCH for all of your encouraging comments… it means more to me than you’ll ever know!
***
Jan: You are absolutely right. Finding a way to ignore the ‘bad apples’ is the million-dollar trick here, and I’m just starting how to learn exactly that
Still trying to figure out why the few negatives seem to shout much louder than the many positives… sheesh. Thank you so much for being here!
***
Christy: Thank you for your kind message. Allowing our whole self in the professional part of our world, I feel is the ideal. However, I’ve come to believe that some “people” who do “business” online cannot understand that sitting at the other computer is a REAL human being. Not just a robot to whom they hand payments over, make ridiculous demands to, and threaten to tear apart if they don’t receive more than they’ve been promised.
I have a hard time believing these same “people” would conduct themselves in this manner if business was done face to face. Unfortunately, even the biggest coward offline can feel “brave” hiding behind a computer.
So I guess my question here is, if we do NOT somewhat “dehumanize” our professional side ONLINE (growing a thicker skin?), how do we “survive” attacks from these vicious people? Believe me, I’m all for a balanced life - personal & business… just show me how!
Thank you for your comments Jan & Christy!
~ Carmen
Hi Marvin,
Thank you so much for the positive thoughts and encouragement! Just reading your message is making me feel empowered - in a “Warrior Princess” kinda way. *lol* And that’s the most trivial part in all of this for me… I’ve always felt I could keep anyone from “messing” with me or anyone else around me OFFLINE, but for some reason, threats and abuse sent through e-mail had a much different effect on me.
Maybe it’s the “creepy” factor… the thought of someone sitting behind a monitor, rubbing their hands together like a little villain, and giggling to themselves as they admire what they’ve just written to me… I’m not sure.
But I’ve decided to not “just take it” anymore… One of my *many* mistakes I made in handling this was not reporting the threats to the authorities immediately, and instead, giving these “people” the benefit of the doubt (maybe they’re having a bad day, maybe they just lost a ton of cash, etc.). Not anymore. Granted, it’ll take a lot of work on my part, but I hate feeling like a “victim” and helpless… it’s just NOT me.
I’m SO glad you decided to post here. Thank you.
~ Carmen
P.S. I think I’m subscribed to your ezine… so it looks like you’re not so “under the radar” as you might have thought!
Marga!
You would think all those train rides to Downtown Chicago would toughen me up… it’s just something about threats sent by email. Creepy!
Thank you for being here
~ Carmen
Hey girl,
I must admit my feelings are hurt when people subscribe to my newsletter (so they can send in a free ad) then unsubscribe as soon as their ad is run. At first it really bothered me, but now it’s like “Whatever”
Jan
Lighten Up
http://LightenUp.notlong.com
I was taught years ago that the more visible you are the more you are a target. Unfortunately, all part of the territory.
Kathleen
I’m as numb as a frozen turkey and hard as stale bread after receiving some comments from cowardly net nuts!
After being asked to ’send me a few thousand dollars for my degree studies’
Yahoo IM invite asked: ‘pray to me’
Blog comment ‘you British bit@# yada yada yah’
‘Give me your products for free and I’ll be your friend’
The list goes on into ridiculous extremities.
The best thing is to switch off completely.
Just be thankful that these idiots are not in a face to face situation. Remember that you have the power of the ‘delete key’ and ’shut down’ when times get hectic.
Keep smiling girl and share the love.
I might seriously have to consider dropping the “Secret” from my Secret Agent Reports!
If those creeps give you any more grief, just mail me their email addresses. Sometimes it pays to know someone who’s ‘licenced to kill’
*Roll the Bond theme*
Marvin
So sorry to learn that you are being bullied by these faceless cowards and the effect it has had on your health. This is the first time I have ever replied to a blog as your plight moved me so much I felt compelled to write to give you some moral support. Hang on in there and keep strong. Please don’t let ‘giving up’ be an option - your presence on the net would be sorely missed and your skills and talent wasted if you let these shameless jerks have their day. P.S. Marvin sounds a great guy to have on your side!
Dear Carmen, I was really moved by your post. It is an unfortunate fact of the world that there are a few people out there who take advantage of Internet based communication to do things they would never dream of face-to-face. I know from reading your material that you ARE all the positive things that you write you are. So, don’t waste time on these people. They are emotional vampires who will drain your positive energy and be perversely happy that they did so. All you can do is to feel sorry for them but ignore them and move on. If you don’t answer their communications they will tire and move on to some other unfortunate.
Best wishes,
Chris (A professional and academic marketer)
Hi Carmen.
Great to hear from you again; very saddened to read how you have been treated, and how it has affected you. We live in a sinful, and evil world, but there are also many lovely people out there. Good to see you have come through it, and now have support from other colleaques.
Greetings, John
Carmen,
Marvin’s post summed it up. You really do rock, and I get inspired whenever I visit your websites. (Marvin - how do I get on this secret list?)
There are black lists for known spammers, are there any resources to post and track abusive people online? Or just report them to Marvin.
Concering the human side of being a professional: I hope that NO ONE ever again is made to feel like they can’t talk about what kind of abuse is coming their way. Carmen, you can overcome this evil with good, I know something will break open because of your experience and how you’ve broken the silence.
God bless you, I mean that sincerely.
Christy
Hi Carmen,
Why bother with ’sick’ people who obviously have no self-esteem. Otherwise they won’t be sending you such trashy emails.
Never allow such people to ‘victimize’ you. You are as good as you think you are. You create the best within you and always know that.
You obviously have helped many more people with your
online business so why let such people as those that send you these emails bother you.
Keep on touching people’s lives as you do, Carmen and be strong and courageous enough to ignore anything that is negative.
Shama
Hi everyone! First and foremost, I want to express my most sincere gratitude for all the kinds words, support and encouragement you’ve given me… You guys are the greatest! THANK YOU!
Kathleen: What you said is very true, and I appreciate you posting your thoughts! (But, ME? Visible? Who woulda thunk?!)
Nancy: Yes, the “delete key” as well as message filters and block lists are my new best friends! I hope you’re seeing less negative messages these days… thanks for writing, and be careful!
~ Carmen
Marvin: Alright… now every time I hear the 007 theme song, YOU KNOW I’ll associate it with Marvin Haycock and his Secret Agent Reports! Thanks for the chuckle
Julie: Don’t worry, giving up is NOT an option! Thank you so much for your words of encouragement! Please don’t let this be the last time you post here, okay?
~ Carmen
Chris: Yes, that’s EXACTLY it! Emotional vampires… hiding behind computer monitors. And believe me, my appreciation for mail filters and block lists is growing at the speed of light! Thank you for your kind words and positive thoughts!
John: While overcoming this ordeal, I *have* found myself appreciating much more, the wonderful people I’m crossing paths with online! Thanks for being here
~ Carmen
Christy: Thank you for your kind message! You know, I never thought about that… a blacklist of abusive people online. I wish I could share my list of “people to never accept as clients again,” because I would not wish this kind of treatment on my enemy. Fortunately, we have Marvin
(You can subscribe to his “secret” newsletter at http://www.secretagentreports.com)
Shama: I found myself feeling caught between a rock and a hard place when I received abusive messages from a small number of “customers”… but now I’ve come to accept that these people do not belong on my customer list (or yours). The customer is NOT always right *AND* payment for your product or service DOES NOT give them permission to treat you badly or threaten your family. Thank you SO MUCH for being here!
~ Carmen
Keep up the great work on your blog. Best wishes WaltDe
Hi Carmen,
Wow sorry to hear that a few mean people are causing you grief. You know it is serious when your doctor says to try meds. My dad used to say someone was “driving him to drink,” so to speak. Same idea. If it makes you feel any better you are not alone. Most of the big name marketers can tell you they wen through this same thing. One very famous guy recently said on a video that he has someone else screen his emails so he does not have to read anything negative. He does that because it was causing him to be way bummed out. Try to keep a few things in mind when this happens. One is, everybody who is sane loves you and appreciates you a lot. That’s a very big crowd I’m sure. Two, Wayne Dyer says, what people do to you is their karma, how you react is your karma. You don’t have to catch a ball just because someone throws it to you. Three, here is an article from problogger that might have some helpful info for ya.
http://www.problogger.net/archives/2008/04/19/how-to-deal-with-negative-comments-on-your-blog/
Keep smiling,
Mark